Yesterday, a student asked me if I would do her hair this summer. ( I facilitate a summer camp) I said, "awe sure I don't mind." She said, "Are you sure, it get's nappy?" Immediately I got furious. I don't think my anger showed...I think I was composed. :) I just looked at her and told her, "I don't like that word." She said, "why," and I thought about it...
This is what went on in my head before I was able to answer her...
The surrounding meaning so historically and deeply connected with that word causes me anxiety. As a woman...an African American with natural hair, I feel super subconscious when people use the word "nappy." And I think it's because nappy means so many things - short, uncomb-able, ugly, black, dark, etc. Out of these following adjectives, the only word that doesn't really belong is UGLY...but that is what sticks out and it ties itself with the others. Implicitly this connection cuases people to relate ugly with short, ugly with dark, ugly with tight curls...to me, it seems like nappy means Black hair is ugly.
I feel this word is so historically hurtful and another word thrown around to divide and create a "hair" hiearchy.
I think thick, tight, short, long, BLACK hair is beautiful. Changing the conotation of "nappy" is probably impossible, but changing ones thought about what is beautiful is more reasonable.
I finally answered the young lady, I said, "YOUR HAIR is BEAUTIFUL! You are beautiful...whether you can comb your hair or not! I can't comb my hair (without conditioner or a wide tooth comb) and I'll debate to the death that my hair is not nappy! Think about that word and think about what you mean when you say it...think about how you feel and others feel when you USE it..." Of course, this isn't the end of the conversation, but the professor was preparing for class so I couldn't keep talking about this...
I guess educating young people to be aware of the power of words... in general... is SO important.
Right now...just imagining the millions of young women - African or African American or whoever - who think their hair or skin or whatever is ugly in its natural state is depressing. You wonder why so many young girls are chasing FAKE and searching to be affirmed by others...They can't see their own beauty...
I mean... just not liking something about you is one thing; but feeling the burden of a society that doesn't like something about you is marginalizing.
It's interesting, I don't have as negative an association with the word nappy. In many ways, nappy over the course of my life has been synonymous with natural (not ugly), and if ever someone was trying to offend me by saying my hair was nappy, they totally missed the mark - at least as far as I can remember,though I did go through a phase of trying to get my hair as straight as possible. I agree it is disheartening to know so many people of African descent think it "ugly" to have dark skin or Black textured hair. I think you are right though, its important to really explore what we mean by certain words, and to recognize that those same words may mean something totally different to someone else. I'm not offended by the word negro, I find it a bit antiquated, but in other languages it remains the word for Black, but others from different parts of the US even have an extremely negative view of the word which is understandable, since growing up in Cleveland the word wasn't directed at me in a pejorative way. Likewise I am proudly a feminist, but know many women and men who would never call themselves such. The work you do is so important and I'm glad this young lady has someone like you to discuss things like self-image with.
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